Thoughts Within Me

To Daddy....

2009-02-02T05:24:00.000-08:00

erm.......
since you are the only one who regularly check...
i am gonna write you something..
erm.. dont know what to write actually..
Just really miss you
and hope you were here....
In Egypt and stuff:)...
And yeah you owe me a trip to the beach...
And i want to have my poem..
coz i wanna post it here:)
And take care!!!
LOve you lotzz
And Dont forget my upcoming Bday present haha:)

Air headed....

2008-10-20T02:27:00.000-07:00

I dont event think I am air-headed

At least being air-headed means you got air in there

But me... I am EMPTY-HEADED!!!
I cant think right now

I havent been able for days

And its not like I dont try

I DO!!!!

Like I sit on my chair and say ok!!

Now I have an hour to think....

But all I do is spend that bloddy hour

Trying to squeeze an idea out!!!

NO!!!

I am not stupid...

Thank you very much!!

But for the last few days

I went numb!!!

To everything

REALLLLY...

I dont know where I am going

I dont know who I will call in the morning

And who i will go out with on a weekend

And that makes me feel weak

Like i am not in control of my life

MY EMPTY LIFE

LIKE MY EMPTY HEAD

ARRRRGGG!!!

I am not making sense huh??

Well dont fell bad...

I no more make sense to me

So that gives you no right to understand me...

Until I learn to understand me!!!

And learn how to get an idea in my empty head to understand...

I am Done..I am Through

2008-08-18T07:29:00.000-07:00

Every morning you wake up

With pain in your chest

As if your heart is trying to

Get out of your chest

Every day is hell

Every day is full of pain

Sometimes you feel pain

And sometimes you feel nothing

And you feel that emptiness for a long time

Too long

That feeling nothing becomes more painful

Than feeling pain itself

I want to crawl into bed and prepare to die

I want to crawl and wait for death to come

I am Just Done

I am Royaly Through

My Stolen Memories

2008-08-08T08:18:00.000-07:00

My memories were here

Alot of it
The cries, The laughter
The misery, The happiness
Alot of it was here
I miss it
I miss walking through that door
Climbing these stairs
Knocking on these doors
All my memories were stolen
GoNe
There were no more happiness
No more laughter
My innocent, childish laughter died away
Infront of my eyes
They died
Like my days
My memory of that happy girl
Who once stood in the belacony
Waiting patiently for her relatives to come
And everytime they showed up
A huge smile invaded her face
And a feeling warmed up her soul
The memory of that girl
Today..
Lies sadly within me
Feeling defeated, sad and lonely
Feeling invisible.. and not there
Helpless against that invincible power
That ruthlessly stole her precious memories

You walked Away and I shed my tears

2008-07-19T05:43:00.000-07:00

You walked away
and I shed my tears
you left me mourning my loss
trying to ease away the pain..
Pain that kept growing and growing
inside me
inside my fragile heart
You walked away
and...
Did`nt bother to look back
not for a minute
or even a second
You walked away
while my cries surrounded you
Did my pain not matter to you?
Did you not bare to look at me?
Did you feel guilt?
More feelings of hurt
More feelings of confusion
even feelings I did`nt understand
They all grew inside me
But you did`nt look back
And you just..
Walked away.....

Feelings of Success.. Feeling of Confusion

2008-07-08T19:42:00.000-07:00

Just yesterday.. just yesterday
Or was it before yesterday??
Anyway, 2 or 3 days ago
I heard te best news I ave heard in a while
" Shiffa, You have passes with a 82% total"
aka..
" Shiffa, You are not stupid anymore"
You know
When you are out on a really sunny day
going to a place that`s burning hot
Saaay... The Pyramids
And you are broke
And you are real thirsty
Then as you walk aimlessly
You find a COLD WATER FOUNTAIN
How would you feel??
You would get this feeling in your guts
Like.. " THANK GOD.. I WONT DIE" kinda feeling
that was the feeling
I was like
" That`s it, life will be perfecto after today"
But little did I know
...............
........
.....
...
..
.

Memories of my past
And my need to touch it
And the need to take a leap of faith
And explore it
To find out what got them back
After one full day of happiness
I will get to spend one month of confusion
My penalty for happiness
Suddenly all the excitement I had
All gone.....
All lost for one Bloody Memory
ONE MEMORY!!!
One memory....had the power
The guts.. The ability
To destroy the joy of 82 marks!!!
They always told me that success had a delicious taste
But i think they forgot to tell me that
When you loose your taste of success for a stupid memory
It will taste disgusting
And will get you totally HOPELESS!!!

Speechless..Feelingful..

2008-07-06T14:27:00.000-07:00

Something so cool happened today
Guess What??
I passed
Like really I mean I am ecstatic
So happy that I could be too happy..
Its just when you feel you are not worth it
When you feel crap
Something happens
And you are like..
Hey I am actually sorta bright
Wonderful news
I am happy
For two days I am happy 90%
Its like WoW
I know things will be ok
I will be ok
So will my life
For once in my Life
I Feel like a True Winner
No one will get in my way
No one will
And I will live my dream
And I will smile the smile of success
A smile that i waited for so so long
It will come
I can See it coming
I hope the best for all
I hope everyone out there with a dream
Will live to pursuit it
Like I WILL

To My Best Friend

2008-07-01T19:50:00.000-07:00

Especially for you..
Through the good times
and the bad
Through the laughter
and the tears
Through the lessons we learned
and the dreams we shared

All these special moments
Through the years.....
I thank you and

I Will Always Love You

Its doesn't happen everyday
It surely doesn't happen to everyone
Having a friend you can trust
To the extent that you see your life through her
Thats what I have with my Best Friend.. Zariya
We are not just BFF we are more than sisters
I cant imagine not being able to see her again
I miss the times we got to spend together
And regret the times I didn't take the chance to spend with her
I hope I can see her again
I hope I can get to go shopping with her
I hope I can get to go to the cenima with her
I hope I can get to gossip with her
In all my years to come i will never find a friend like Zi
She was truly a rare Gem
Love you Zi

Confused...

2008-06-30T08:54:00.000-07:00

Why is it i cant just settle down like humans for one minute..?
I mean think about it.
It isn't so much to ask for is it
I seem to be running back and forth
creating dreams and then dismissing it
because i don't have the guts and the bravery to do more..
I just don't seem to just stop and take a breath
and smell the flowers or something
I don't know what i want as
A girl , A teen , A student
Thing that people have filled in is still blank in my agenda
Being lonely isn't helping either
I just want to be able to look in the mirror and recognize my self
I wanna say hello to myself
I wanna be happy
Hopeful..
I wanna know what I want
I need to be secure.....

Look Who`s Back!!

2008-06-22T05:18:00.000-07:00

*snore*
Hey wake up!!!
Huh.. Why? Whats wrong??
He`s back
Emmmm ok
*snore*
Come on.. Lets go out now.
Oh my god Hes back.
Yeah, We tried to wake you up
But you did`nt
Why is he Grey??
He was found on a tire
......
Conan..
I am so happy you are back
And So happy that i can see you sitting in front
of the door in that cute way
I missed you Buddy
Welcome back Home
And may you have that awaiting shower
and become white again

Conan..Where ARE you??

2008-06-20T17:34:00.000-07:00

Did you see him today
No I didn't , did you??
No, I didn't
Go look for him fast
~ time passes ~
Did you find him??
No..
Oh my God
Where is he
I am going to look again
OK
~I stand in the balcony and the window
shedding tears for my loss~..
~ They are asking people there..
and there~...
Oh god please
~ time passes ~
Oh god.. where is he
~ They are looking there~
~ There are more tears~
~They disappeared~
Where are they
~ Waiting~
Oh there they are
They are empty handed
Oh No..
........
....
..
My sweet cat is lost
My affectionate Conan
Where is he
I miss him
I cant sleep
I cant eat
I need my Cat
Conan.. where are you
What did you eat
Where did you sleep
You were born here
And now you're out there
What about the dogs
What about the weasels
or worse
What about the sadistic people
out there
Conan dear come back
We Miss You
I am sorry I didn't notice earlier
I am sorry I didn't hug you
Like i did every day
I am sorry you didn't get to give me
your "good morning" lick
Come back Conan
I promise i will be really nice to you
just come back
WE ALL MISS YOU
Snow misses you
We are all waiting for your
~HOMECOMING~

Dont Care......

2008-06-13T18:20:00.000-07:00

yeah.. so I am a lonely wreck
but then
who cares
I have deep pain inside
but then
who cares
I have an "unfixable" broken heart
but then
who cares
I cry myself to sleep most the time
but then
who cares
I create a fantasy to live in
but then
who cares
I trick myself
but then
who cares
........
......
....
...
..
.
When was the last time
you told some one
you cared??
When was the last time
you showed someone
you cared??
When was the last time
you received
Care.......

Did you ever wonder
how the world would be if we just
Cared?
How many suicides would we stop
just if we cared??
How many broken heart
we would mend
if we just....Cared?

Thing would have changed for me
if they just Cared..
but they did`nt
And here I am.....

So before the time has passed
Show someone that you actually
Care.......

My UNcommon Cold..

2008-06-11T16:00:00.000-07:00

So yeah...

everyone gets cold
they sneeze and cough
..etc etc
and thats it????!!
Well thats why
they called it
~THE COMMON COLD~
but my cold is different
thats why it
@..~MY unCOMMON COLD~..@
for me having cold is an everyday thing
yeah..
but its a new experience
..
...
a new life
for me
every sneeze takes away with it
bad memories
&
every cough takes away with it
dirty little secrets
&
every nose blow takes away with it
Sins.. & Bad deeds
For me ...
Having ~MY unCOMMON COLD~
Is having to go through the
washing machine of this sad.. sinful life
and leaving this process
..clean..
..cleansed..
_~_PURE_~_
Is your cold like mine
do you have your very own
~unCOMMON COLD~
do you have your very own life washing machine
If you don`t have
don`t you think its about time
to find your own
life washing machine
????

Unknown Feeling

2008-06-10T06:31:00.000-07:00

My hands Hurt..
My heart hurts even more
I know there is this feeling inside me
A feeling I need to know
I know that I need to write
I can sense the need to write
thats pissing me off
I can feel it in my Heart
And i really hate that feeling
I really want to write
But i want to know what i will write about
I wanna be able to write
I wanna write now...............................

They Called Her Hopeful

2008-06-07T05:50:00.000-07:00

There she goes again.. Just jumping off a cliff..
expecting to be caught
people look and laugh
they have seen her do this before
seen her a lot..
some even got bored..
seen her jump like the idiot she was...
Shes a hopeful wreck.. yeah thats her
Hopeful.. hoping for a better day..
A better Sun
Better moon... better sky
and she hopes for a better life
where she can jump off anything
and there will always be someone to catch her
who cared what gender, what age, what relationship
who cares...
Just someone to catch her
So Yeah ... she jumped
And hit the floor again
she laid there for a while
then slowly stood up
and fought against the pain in her limbs
and the greater pain in her heart
she collected what was left of her
and went on her great new mission...

Climbing the Cliff again............

Am I Worthy... Are you??

2008-06-05T03:44:00.000-07:00

Ok... so yesterday i was watching this horror movie that my Sister downloaded
Diary of the Death or Death of the Death
not really sure...
but it kinda really made me think of a issue that was mentioned in the movie
Mans Cruelty
i mean until seeing the movie
it never actually hit me how Man was cruel
and i don`t mean most of mankind
i mean the whole of man kind.....
how many times this week did we help a blind man, elderly or child across the street??
do you find it weird that we laugh at the embarrassment of others?
and the most important question asked by the girl in the movie
why is it when we see a horrible accident on the street we stop....
not to help but to see ???????????
then we go around telling our friends about it
like its the hottest gossip in town
Don`t you find it weird???
But you must admit the strangest issue is....
even though we find it weird we don't try to fix it
we don't try to fix ourselves
and this makes me think
should animals hunt humans?
or should humans hunt animals?
who is more worthy of living in this world?
But then its just a thought....................................
No Offense...

Destroying Angel in the Making

2008-06-02T02:12:00.000-07:00

She landed softly on the ground..
and looked around as her devilish wings came together
and settled on her fair, soft back..
there she was.. she knew she was there
she knew she came back to her world
she stood there looking at the damage
wondering..
Will it Ever Be fixed
Will she Ever BE Fixed
She Walked lightly between the damage
As Lightly As a Bride Walks Down the Aile
Looking around her
with those Sad, lost and Empty Eyes
and then she spotted something
down there
under the dirt, the rubble, the Lost Hopes and Dreams
she bent down to pick it up
She found her Treasure
she found her way out
clenching the treasure to her heart
she spread her wings and flipped them a little
she took a light, gentle jump
and she flew